the morning after

you know that old school song that goes... "There's got to be a morning after | If we can hold on through the night | We have a chance to find the sunshine | Let's keep on looking for the light" ???

well, for some reason (maybe because it's one of the songs on the Rugrats movie that my girls watched a long, long time ago), that song kept on coming to my mind all during the month of july. it seemed to be the longest month. EVER. there was only so much i could do while my poor husband juggled his main job + 2 other side jobs, one of which he barely got into in june. i felt awkwardly guilty that i couldn't help him out much, just by staying home with our children. and that got to be tiring as well. the little voices inside my head kept telling me that i was a bad mother for not having more energy to do all the things i longed to do with them. i took them to the park almost everyday, and i would always come home absolutely exhausted. not just because i was pregnant, but because mark and i wouldn't get to bed any earlier than midnight every night. between immigration forms, student loan forms, filling out job applications, and updating business records, mark and i could only do those types of things after the kiddies went to bed. there's definitely a lot that goes into making an international move. so many little errands and details that need to be taken care of.

also, living among the stacks and stacks of boxes in our already-tiny apartment was especially frustrating for me and for my little guy, who was easily tired of being indoors all the time. sometimes that couldn't be helped because the weather wouldn't always cooperate. it was chilly at least until mid-July.

so, amidst the claustrophobic chaos, the deadlines, the long hours at work, and exhaustion...it was a LONG july for all of us. there was a lot of opposition that threatened to tear me down, as there usually is, and sometimes i worried relentlessly and excessively as i thought about the reality of having to work outside the home and other details. i don't know how many times i cried, but i did. a lot. you can blame that a little bit on the pregnancy hormones :)and i don't know how many more times i prayed during the day, but it was more times than usual. we'll be forever grateful to those who stepped in, even at the last minute, to help out with the kids and with the final cleaning of the apartment. thank you for being willing and able to help. we had a few last minute problems that set our plans back, but we would have been completely behind if it hadn't been for the service of our ward family.

we are so grateful for the peace we were able to receive by attending the temple and by staying close to the Lord. i found my reading in the Book of Mormon to be especially comforting during this time, especially in the book of 3 Nephi. we also gained strength from our reading of the may Ensign. so much wisdom in there about adversity, faith, and hope. i don't know any other way to say it other than the gospel is our anchor and it's true. so grateful for that knowledge.

and so, now that we have a bit of down time in Cardston, Alberta with my wonderful in-laws, i'm going to try to catch up on all the postings that have been pushed aside because of the move. stay tuned.