then and now...and everything in between

November 2009

November 2010

How did this happen?!

Baby Tadashi turned one this week! Such a milestone and a great opportunity to think back on what a great year it has been, albeit a bit early for New Years. I think so much changed for our little family in 2009, that November feels like a January for us. We have now lived in our place for one year. Mark has been in school for a little over a year. And we brought home baby #4 one year ago, amidst uncertainty and chaos of sorts. I believe and know in my heart of hearts that this was the way it was meant to be. We seldom realize the hand that protects and watches over us until we are thrust into periods of uncertainty and we have no other ray of hope than our faith in Him. It's really remarkable that things happen that way.

I have to smile as I think about my little Tadashi and how he is definitely a mamas boy. He clings to me like no other, and I thrive in that, although at times it has been overwhelming. He knows I will hold him and cuddle him, even as I'm desperately trying to get my makeup on, and thru some acrobatics, I manage to get everything on without smearing on myself, him, or the rest of the bathroom. And he's right there on my hip as I'm vacuuming because for him, that's the safest place to be during all that noise. He still needs me and I love it. And so, in his neediness, I find myself remembering that I still need to need. Does that make sense? I still need that humility that brings me back to my Heavenly Father because I cannot do all things...by myself...all the time. At times, I want so badly to come up with my own solutions, to have the right answers all the time and feel like I am the one responsible to either make or break my destiny. I can do many things and I am independent, yes. But, I cannot be the person I aspire to become one day without still recognizing that "child-like" need. I need my Father so very much and I am slow to turn to Him. But I appreciate the paradox in this...that I cannot become better without experiencing and recognizing my need for God and my Savior. Yes, I'm still needy.

These were just some of my thoughts as I was "setting the stage" in my mind, reconnecting fragments of thoughts and feelings from our experiences from one year ago to now. I know that each day that passes I am more and more grateful for the lessons I learn just by being a parent. Definitely hard work but it molds and refines in a way nothing else can.