Second Phase
A few weeks ago, I did some reminiscing... you know, the kind of stuff that "older" people do :)
May 1st, 2001
I entered the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, which was literally 15 minutes away from my house and down the street from where I attended university for the previous 3 years. Of course I was beyond excited and anxious for everything that awaited me, mostly because I had no idea what to personally expect. Those are the kinds of journeys that leave the deepest impact on us and teach us the most significant lessons. And I found that to be so very true with me. Starting with my training at the MTC, I became the recipient of the purest form of personal spiritual instruction. I can't talk or write about my missionary experiences without feeling a surge of emotions.... joy, gratitude, love, compassion... and recalling countless upon countless memories, some entire sagas, and others, small poignant moments or memories. It was the most paramount of experiences.
Recently, I've been thinking about the elements of sacrifice and diligence that I learned and cultivated while in the mission field. Just like with every experience in life, my mission experiences were a result of how much of myself I poured into it, whether that meant time, heart, soul, dedication, etc. It was constant, diligent work. Both physical and spiritual. It was draining. It was rewarding. It was discouraging. It was personal work and it was team work. It was character building and spiritually strengthening.
And such is the journey of parenting and raising a family. I often fall into bed with audible exhalations, signifying that the day's work was demanding and never-ending, but that the night's rest would be quite welcome. Lately, night-time routines also mean laying in bed and realizing how much the day has taken its toll on my pregnant body. I also know that my husband feels a sense of weariness at the end of the day. We are far from being perfect, but we are grateful that our work is to lift one another and to support each other in this second phase of sacrifice, charity, and diligence. We have postponed many of life's little luxuries and opportunities in exchange for raising our little family. While we have never had a getaway of our own, owned our own home, our list of assets is meager, etc., we chose to focus every ounce of our energy on the patience and diligence it takes to raise our family. The bigger it gets, the more work and diligence it takes and the greater the sacrifices become. It's definitely a rather humbling experience to put aside all personal desires for an undetermined amount of time. And, like so many others out there, we become weary and are tempted to push a little less and to be satisfied with less than our best. Those are the moments that we are indeed grateful for the renewing strength of attending the temple and of a return to the patterns of fervent prayer. I know I couldn't do it alone. I mean, WE, couldn't do it alone.
While we are still in the second phase of sacrifice and diligence, it hasn't been without laughter, joy, and fun. Who would think that such little people can provide us adults with such pure forms of entertainment? And my little ones are the best at teaching me how to find and express joy. At 31, I, sadly, still haven't mastered that as well as they have. But, that is okay because I know I can learn from teachers of any age :)
...........................................................
So, as I said in the beginning, I entered the MTC on May 1st, 2001. I entered the mission field on May 29th, 2001. Ten years ago. Besides realizing how much more "seasoned" I am now, I appreciate the refining process of that first solid phase of intense personal growth. It gave me a foundation to continue to willingly sacrifice and dedicate the absolute best of what I have in me... for as long as it takes.
For my birthday, Mark surprised me by purchasing me a seat to a very sought-after professional photography workshop taught by the extremely talented and business-savvy wedding photographer Jasmine Star. I, of course, seriously didn't know he had registered me. It's quite the process, which involves getting to the online registration and refreshing the page until the system lets you in. There are literally scores of people that tie up the site/server every time registration goes live... as there are only 20 people that can attend. So, yeah, it's a pretty big deal to get to go. And, it's in So. California. I haven't been down there in years. And, extra plus, it would give me a bit of a break that I so desperately needed, especially before having another baby.
Of course, it costs a pretty penny, hence why Mark knew that if I were to go, he would have to register me, because the sheer act alone of making that kind of a purchase with that many zeros (and then pay for airfare and a hotel on top of that), would make me sick to my stomach. And I would never click the "send" button. It would just worry me to no end, and I would be an overall mess. Seriously.
Long story short. Something came up and just like that I couldn't go. It broke my heart. Mark wrote a very sincere, apologetic email explaining our situation and asking if we could be refunded the money, since I wouldn't be able to attend. And my heart broke again. Jasmine and her hubby JD graciously refunded our money. But my heart was still broken. Sorry about being dramatic, but I was just really excited and I had looked forward to some "me" time. Mark felt awful, since he knew that my poor heart and soul had hit the floor.
When the rains subsided and the weather looked to be more promising, I got the kids all ready for a small portrait session. It's hard to be photographer, mother, and pregnant when trying to photograph your own kids. At times, it's definitely not the best thing to do because it will end up being an emotional disaster. But, we took the kids out for a little "adventure" so that I could have a little something to pick me back up from my sudden loss.
The end result was the picture below. It's neither absolutely amazing, nor astounding. But it represents so much to me. I told the girls to take their younger brothers by the hand and take a little stroll to view the scenery. And then, I did the best I could to shift and squat to take the pictures. And now that I have this one image, it is reason enough for me to pick my heart and soul off the floor once more.
May 1st, 2001
I entered the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, which was literally 15 minutes away from my house and down the street from where I attended university for the previous 3 years. Of course I was beyond excited and anxious for everything that awaited me, mostly because I had no idea what to personally expect. Those are the kinds of journeys that leave the deepest impact on us and teach us the most significant lessons. And I found that to be so very true with me. Starting with my training at the MTC, I became the recipient of the purest form of personal spiritual instruction. I can't talk or write about my missionary experiences without feeling a surge of emotions.... joy, gratitude, love, compassion... and recalling countless upon countless memories, some entire sagas, and others, small poignant moments or memories. It was the most paramount of experiences.
Recently, I've been thinking about the elements of sacrifice and diligence that I learned and cultivated while in the mission field. Just like with every experience in life, my mission experiences were a result of how much of myself I poured into it, whether that meant time, heart, soul, dedication, etc. It was constant, diligent work. Both physical and spiritual. It was draining. It was rewarding. It was discouraging. It was personal work and it was team work. It was character building and spiritually strengthening.
And such is the journey of parenting and raising a family. I often fall into bed with audible exhalations, signifying that the day's work was demanding and never-ending, but that the night's rest would be quite welcome. Lately, night-time routines also mean laying in bed and realizing how much the day has taken its toll on my pregnant body. I also know that my husband feels a sense of weariness at the end of the day. We are far from being perfect, but we are grateful that our work is to lift one another and to support each other in this second phase of sacrifice, charity, and diligence. We have postponed many of life's little luxuries and opportunities in exchange for raising our little family. While we have never had a getaway of our own, owned our own home, our list of assets is meager, etc., we chose to focus every ounce of our energy on the patience and diligence it takes to raise our family. The bigger it gets, the more work and diligence it takes and the greater the sacrifices become. It's definitely a rather humbling experience to put aside all personal desires for an undetermined amount of time. And, like so many others out there, we become weary and are tempted to push a little less and to be satisfied with less than our best. Those are the moments that we are indeed grateful for the renewing strength of attending the temple and of a return to the patterns of fervent prayer. I know I couldn't do it alone. I mean, WE, couldn't do it alone.
While we are still in the second phase of sacrifice and diligence, it hasn't been without laughter, joy, and fun. Who would think that such little people can provide us adults with such pure forms of entertainment? And my little ones are the best at teaching me how to find and express joy. At 31, I, sadly, still haven't mastered that as well as they have. But, that is okay because I know I can learn from teachers of any age :)
...........................................................
So, as I said in the beginning, I entered the MTC on May 1st, 2001. I entered the mission field on May 29th, 2001. Ten years ago. Besides realizing how much more "seasoned" I am now, I appreciate the refining process of that first solid phase of intense personal growth. It gave me a foundation to continue to willingly sacrifice and dedicate the absolute best of what I have in me... for as long as it takes.
For my birthday, Mark surprised me by purchasing me a seat to a very sought-after professional photography workshop taught by the extremely talented and business-savvy wedding photographer Jasmine Star. I, of course, seriously didn't know he had registered me. It's quite the process, which involves getting to the online registration and refreshing the page until the system lets you in. There are literally scores of people that tie up the site/server every time registration goes live... as there are only 20 people that can attend. So, yeah, it's a pretty big deal to get to go. And, it's in So. California. I haven't been down there in years. And, extra plus, it would give me a bit of a break that I so desperately needed, especially before having another baby.
Of course, it costs a pretty penny, hence why Mark knew that if I were to go, he would have to register me, because the sheer act alone of making that kind of a purchase with that many zeros (and then pay for airfare and a hotel on top of that), would make me sick to my stomach. And I would never click the "send" button. It would just worry me to no end, and I would be an overall mess. Seriously.
Long story short. Something came up and just like that I couldn't go. It broke my heart. Mark wrote a very sincere, apologetic email explaining our situation and asking if we could be refunded the money, since I wouldn't be able to attend. And my heart broke again. Jasmine and her hubby JD graciously refunded our money. But my heart was still broken. Sorry about being dramatic, but I was just really excited and I had looked forward to some "me" time. Mark felt awful, since he knew that my poor heart and soul had hit the floor.
When the rains subsided and the weather looked to be more promising, I got the kids all ready for a small portrait session. It's hard to be photographer, mother, and pregnant when trying to photograph your own kids. At times, it's definitely not the best thing to do because it will end up being an emotional disaster. But, we took the kids out for a little "adventure" so that I could have a little something to pick me back up from my sudden loss.
The end result was the picture below. It's neither absolutely amazing, nor astounding. But it represents so much to me. I told the girls to take their younger brothers by the hand and take a little stroll to view the scenery. And then, I did the best I could to shift and squat to take the pictures. And now that I have this one image, it is reason enough for me to pick my heart and soul off the floor once more.
2 comments:
I am truly sorry you couldn't make it to the workshop and even when it would have been awesome I think you already are a great photographer Nataly. You are truly inspiring. You make me want to do it all! And, I LOVE this picture! What a precious memory. So, where do you even find the energy and strength to do all this, and even style them all like this! You are awesome!
You make me feel nostalgic too...and realize how long it's been since the mission--we must be getting old!
And I'm so sorry about that canceled "me" time. I would have been devastated too. I hope something else comes up that will allow you to have the break you need. You deserve it!
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