Number 5

It is assumed that by the 5th time around you know your body and all things physically associated with pregnancy. This was very true in my case. I only cared that I got to the hospital at the last possible second, had a "normal" natural delivery, and got to spend time falling in love with a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I also had one other requirement... that my husband be there to witness it.

I was husband-less for my last trimester. That was draining, both emotionally and physically. I put in full days with all of my kids and at the end of the day I was, well, ... exhausted... except maybe the word exhausted doesn't fully describe it... I only know that I had to dig down deep to endure everything and fight the tendency to complain. That was particularly trying. Who knows? Maybe I'm just weak. But even harder was the inner struggle to not cry out in despair that "it wasn't fair."

This summer, my husband gave it all he could, but didn't meet any of his financial goals. We lost more money than we made. That was hard. And it was harder still that I had to overcome an overly discouraged heart because I felt so betrayed that I had endured another summer without my husband and our situation was none the better.

I guess it goes without saying that one of the hardest mentalities to overcome is what I call the "it's not fair!" mentality. It stems from a shift in focus and drains faith reservoirs once nearly sufficient or overflowing. It also appears like ingratitude, although it certainly isn't intended.
I believe that tender mercies are granted to those who have temporarily lost their focus... so that in acknowledging it, one's heart is brought to a more humble place...
Tender mercy: Sofia Naomi, born August 9, 2011.

It's no secret that I am simply enamored with all things baby. But as I reflect on our place in life and the birth of Sofia, I can see a whole new reason to be enamored with her and what her presence represents.

I look at her and appreciate that she is so willing to be nurtured.

She is willing to admit that her success and thriving depends on others, primarily her parents.

And you just know she is able to place the utmost trust in them, no proof required.

She is all things meek... you can't help but want to be your best self while in her presence and marvel at how simple her life is.

I recall that with the birth of each child, the lyrics of "I Am A Child of God" begin to unfold in my mind in ways that I wish I could articulate. They produced stirrings in my heart that are so sweet and always bring me to tears.

Little Sofia's arrival couldn't come soon enough. Her brothers and sisters were just as eager to meet her as we were...

I endured labor pains on my own for a full day. Mark was off helping my uncle, about an hour away. It was comforting for me that he was at least in the same state as I was...

The pain was all too familiar, but I endured it all the way until the bitter end. The last few hours were long, simply because I was eager to meet her and not have impending natural labor pain to still get through. Mark played video games well into the night as we waiting for the right moment. But I was alright with that. I would have loved to join him, if he were playing Super Mario Brothers or Tetris, only because I am super skilled at those games...everything else just doesn't do it for me. So the waiting and laboring was a bit boring. Everyone had gone to bed, so it was just me & Mark... the contractions were all over the map. 12 minutes, then 7 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 2 minutes, then 12 minutes. Then 15 minutes apart, only because I had to rest.

3 am-ish and as we were finally in the hospital and the nurses knew that it's my 5th pregnancy, they proceed to call the doctor to arrive. However, the nurses go back and forth consulting the doctor... they try to convince him that I will be fully dialated sooner rather than later...we ask if my water can be broken because once that is done, I am sure that the baby will come.

With each natural birth, I have learned to focus on something other than the immediate pain and find a "happy place." It may be that I can't imagine a "happy place" to go to...
And that's how I came to envision the Brigham Young University Testing Center during my labor at the hospital....
I kept thinking "I can do hard things", which happens to be the motto at the girls' school this year. So why the testing center? Probably because it symbolizes stress, anxiety, perseverance, agony, triumph, defeat, endurance, etc. I took some pretty difficult exams in that center, some even lasting 4+ hours. But as intense as those testing experiences were, I still came out alive. That was the kind of the energy I was trying to channel as I was laboring intensely and as the final stages of delivery were upon me.
[channeling intense physics midterms. channeling organic chemistry nightmare final exams. channeling 1500 pages of reading for comparative literature essay exams. deeeeep breaths. puuuush. puuuuuuuush. I can do hard things. repeat.]

And that's how it was. It was relatively fast and no screaming in agony. There was just the right amount of focus because I knew I wanted to stay in control so that it would all go smoothly. I only know all of this because of experience.
5:12am... we had a beautiful baby girl to look upon and it was just like the beginning. We had first became parents 7 years ago, when we gave birth to our first beautiful little girl. And things had come "full circle." Mark put it this way... "Sofia is a beautiful end to a wonderful story."

I have to say that I clearly do not understand how fortunate I am to have been so richly, richly blessed with everything related to our children. I have never had any complications and neither have my babies. I have also never experienced losing a child at any stage of pregnancy. While I will never fully understand why I have been blessed in this way, I will always know who the source of blessings is... I am fully indebted to a loving Father in Heaven who loves me. His love is such that even in spite of my imperfections, I am still entrusted with the honor of bringing His children into the world.